I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize