Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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