I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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