So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
