I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
