Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
