i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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