I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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