I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize