um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
