you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
