the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
