Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
