I accidentally burped into my bong.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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