I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
