Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize