Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
