Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
