Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
