I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
