I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
