My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
