I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
