dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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