I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
