just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
