Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I need to stop coming to work sober
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
