swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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