we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
