You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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