Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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