drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
