Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
