Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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