Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i drank out of a bidet.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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