i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Randomize
