Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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