I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize