Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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