5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
