Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
