I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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