I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
