My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Shitshow foam night was such a success
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
