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Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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