i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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