I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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