So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
