You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
