Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
