Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
