I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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