Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
