You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
