so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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