whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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