she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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