She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
