You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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