you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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