the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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