yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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