So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
