the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
