Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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