I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
