meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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