I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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