My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You've changed since you got that strap on
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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