Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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