I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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