Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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