I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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