I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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