I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize